I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
