Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
