Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
