Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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