It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
