Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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