Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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