i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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