you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
