i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize