WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
