I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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