You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
