he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
