I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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