I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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