After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
