We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
