I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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