oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
