Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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