I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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