Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
