Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
