Jerry, you need to find god
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
