help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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