I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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