These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
