she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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