Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
