Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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