Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
