goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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