i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
