another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
