Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
