Umm I'm too high to move.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
