So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
