Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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