When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
