my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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