Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
