i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
