And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
