well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
