I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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