I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
