First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
