I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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