I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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