Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
