Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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