If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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