I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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