Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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