dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize