Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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