I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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