is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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