just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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