I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
