I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
