Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
