'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
