goodnight i made you a song goodbye
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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