from now on my penis is your penis
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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