xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
