last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
