This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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