Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize