Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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