You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
