Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
