kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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